They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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