I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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