first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
