Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
