I think my fart just growled at me.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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