forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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