His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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