How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
