I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
