How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
