Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
