yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I have feelings that need drinking.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
