i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
