I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
