my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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