I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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