And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
