tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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