My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
