Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She needs sedatives and a leash
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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