wakey wakey hands off snakey
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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