He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
