I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
