wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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