Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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