what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
