guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
That was before I lit my hair on fire
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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