She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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