people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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