We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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