Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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