Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
