very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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