all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
