the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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