I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
