I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
