sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
what day is it and did you see me today?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
