4 words: hood of his car
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
