apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
