oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
