you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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