If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
