i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
