the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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