I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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