Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
