Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
