Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
