i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
