hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
