so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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