____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
