we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
