The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
