I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
