I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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