She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We have so much sex to catch up on
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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