I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
