she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
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I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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