yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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