I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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