Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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