Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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