She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
