I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
