You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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