i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
