Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
