We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
