i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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