Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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