I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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