I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
