I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
