hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
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The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
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Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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