so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she pinky promised me she was 18
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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