Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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