Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Randomize
