You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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