Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
