Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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