You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
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We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
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How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
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