HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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