Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
