I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
