You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
