I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
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