ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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