I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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